Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize