whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
