My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
