I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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