his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
