And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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