I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
