Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
