I am puke
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
