it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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