who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
