i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
