the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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