yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
