She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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