Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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