she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
