Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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