God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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