i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
