While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My bed smells like the plague
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
