If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
