What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
