Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
