Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
