why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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