Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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