Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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