please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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