i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
