If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm like, not good at living.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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