And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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