Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
