i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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