Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
