I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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