lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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