I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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