i just had sex bonerless
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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