dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
