Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize