New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
