I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
