Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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