im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
