WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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