Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize