took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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