You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize