Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
