What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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