Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pants are for mortals
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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