I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
