apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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