I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
