I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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