Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
did i just pee glitter
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize