we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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