her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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