I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
