the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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