I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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