Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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