Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
