his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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