i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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