the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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