Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
