He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
