I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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