Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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