I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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