Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
